December 16, 2011

Monster of Holiday Exasperation

It’s your eighth hour in the mall, and you’re seriously considering sleeping on a food court bench...

A voice in your head keeps yelling “Just get what you need and let’s go!”, along with “Can we get another snack?!” and “You don’t even like your aunt!  She doesn’t need a present!” 

You’ve been going over your list since 6:00 a.m., but the perfect gifts keep eluding you.  You’ve been all through the department store, with that voice along for every possible gift: Cashmere scarf? “Yes!  That’s it!  Get it!” But it isn’t really, not personal enough.  Universal Remote? “Absolutely!  Just do it!” But what if Uncle Bob has one?  A hot chocolate gift pack? “Yes! Yes! BAM! -- Merry Christmas!”  But Aunt Barbara doesn’t even celebrate Christmas, she’s Jewish! 

The Monster of Holiday Exasperation is rolling on the floor, howling with laughter.  He’s been pushing all your buttons since you got to the mall.  He does a perfect imitation of your inner voice and isn’t afraid to wreak havoc around this time of year.  He’s still giggling maniacally when you get your bearings.  No.  No, I won’t do this.  I’m going get my family and friends gifts that they’ll really love, not just something convenient! Because darn it, I care!!

As you turn back to the department store with a glint in your eye and a purposeful stride, the squat monster wipes the last laughing tear from his eye and waves goodbye.  Then he shrugs and moves to the next victim. Some of the other Monsters of the Holiday Season don’t approve of his antics. He doesn’t particularly mind.  He thinks of it as giving them a little competition.