Procrastination Monster

This morning a monster rolled out of bed...right before rolling back in.  He slapped his alarm ferociously and grumbled when he finally put his feet on the ground.  Reaching the kitchen by feeling along the wall, he smiled for the first time when the coffee pot burpled happily at him.  Three cups later and he was standing with his eyes open!  It was a Monday miracle! 

He shuffled to the calendar and took a long breath before looking at the date.  “December the 12th”  Huh.  Not much on the calendar for today, not much for tomorrow, either.  Oh wait...what was that a few days away?  Heavily circled in red pen, “Please start early this year!” in the margin....  Procrastination Monster took a good hard look at this date.  He noted the red pen and read the notes in the margin several, studious times….and then he started a game of Angry Birds.

It’s not that Procrastination Monster didn’t want to be prepared this year....he’s just not very good at doing the things he plans for himself.  And really, although he says all the time that he’s going to change and do things early this time, we all know that he enjoys his procrastination far too much.  Sure, he’ll end up rushing around like a crazy person when he finally does start, but let’s be really totally completely honest here....he likes it just fine that way. 

So if you haven’t started your preparations yet, don’t worry.  When that day comes you’ll almost certainly be rushing around and wishing for more time...but live it up today!  Know why?  Today is not that day. 

Unexpected Kindness Monster

The mall is full of angry people. The grocery store, too.  The neighbors are hustling to buy gifts, the postman scurrying to deliver them, and the mall Santa is promising them left and right.  Everyone is drinking too much, eating too much, and running around like it’s Armageddon. 

Unexpected Kindness Monster chuckles at the sight, shakes his head, and gets to work.  A man turns suddenly. “Ma'am, may I carry that for you?”

A woman who was just moments ago yelling at a store clerk stops short.  “Why...thank you, sir.  Yes, that would be nice.”  As they make their way to her car, she tries to hold onto being annoyed and frazzled...but she just can’t.  A smile slowly dawns on her face, and Unexpected Kindness Monster smiles with her before trudging on.

“Excuse me, waiter?  Could you do me a favor?  The young couple with the new baby over there?  Could I pay their bill with mine?  No need to tell them, they just look like they could use an easy night.”  A smiling -- if a little confused -- gentleman exits the popular restaurant. An hour later, so does an astounded and grateful new family.  Unexpected Kindness Monster ambles along behind them whistling a jaunty tune.  He’s pleased with his day’s work and ready for bed.  Tomorrow is another big day of helping humans to be kinder.  It’s not that they aren’t kind by themselves, but at such a busy time they can forget. They just need a little help remembering.

Mistletoe Monster

It’s that time again.  Holiday parties are filling your calendar.  You choose your outfit carefully, arrive fashionably late, and eat only as many artisan cheese puffs as you can safely fit in your mouth at once (you’re classy like that).  A holiday beverage jumps into your hand, just to “cleanse the palate”.  You’re groovin, you’re happy, and you’ve covered all your holiday party bases...except one.

Mistletoe!  Front and center.   Somehow you’ve managed to be in the doorway right underneath it!  A quick glance -- anyone to the left?  Anyone to the right?  You don’t even see it coming.  An epic smooch later, you’re barely breathing, and a co-worker is smiling at you...

Mistletoe Monster delights in creating holiday party insanity.  No love seat, shadowy corner, or kitchen pantry is safe.  He deftly sneaks in his weapon of choice -- a lovely sprig of mistletoe -- and watches the hilarity ensue.  His mistletoe has even the most staid of hearts beating to a holiday tune.

So when you get ready for that party on Saturday...even if you’re sure you won’t need them; pack those mints.

Fruit Cake Monster

“Why, thank you, Mildred!  You shouldn’t have!”  If you guess right (the way you have every other year since Aunt Mildred has been visiting), this would be a fruitcake.  An entirely inedible creation of frightening ingredients that weighs about a metric ton.  The only thing you might be unsure about is exactly what kind of fruitcake it is this year.

“It's Model 47,348.”  Fruitcake Monster is not unsure -- he knows exactly what’s in that cake.  He may not keep meticulous records, but he never forgets a fruitcake.  Model 47,348 was carefully crafted on a sunny November afternoon in the monster’s fruitcake kitchen. He began with last year's batter (it’s gummier that way).  Threw in 48 nuts of varying varieties:  macadamia, lug, pistachio.  Then he sprinkled in some fruit pieces (yes, actual fruit!): pear, apple, cherries and “of the Loom”.  And after tossing in a few mystery ingredients (he never reveals those), he mixed in a few spices to round out the essential flavors -- everything from allspice to Old Spice.

Fruitcake Monster is enormously proud of his cakes, and when his cousin once suggested he make “real” cakes that people would actually eat, he was absolutely appalled!  Fruitcake Monster replied that he couldn’t imagine a world without fruitcakes.  “Fruitcakes are a tradition!” he said. “They might be a silly tradition, but what tradition truly isn’t?"  Sometimes you do the things you’ve always done because -- by golly -- the world just isn’t the same without them.

Snow Day Monster

You watched the local stations, the big news stations, and especially The Weather Channel.  You listened to the local radio and were eyeing the sky all day.  Before bed you did the traditional dances and then in bed said the prayers and promises. 

Now it’s early -- earlier than usual for you to be up -- but you have to look, you have to see!  You’re about to lift that single panel on the shades...you’re desperately hoping for blinding white...   

What you don’t know is that this entire time Snow Day Monster has been watching the show and giggling up a storm (quite literally).  He’s been chortling to himself since your first check of the forecast.  Because what he’s known all along is that today -- oh sweet goodness almighty -- today is a snow day!

When you take that first step outside to bask in the glory of a winter wonderland, he may not come out to take credit for his present to you, but he’s more than happy just to know you’ll be giggling along with him.

Monster of Forgotten Gifts

There is a time in every holiday season when gifts are given, opened, gasped about, thanked over, and then thrown into a back closet with all the other gifts that have been given, opened, gasped about and thanked over in years past.  Some may be scavenged by children or spouses.  Some may be re-given, opened, gasped about, and thanked over in their turn.  Others just sit...sadly...waiting for no one and serving no purpose. 

The Monster of Forgotten Gifts is the only keeper of these gifts.  He sits with them.  He comforts them in their time of sorrow.  “What will I ever do?” asks the multi-functional key chain.  “All in good time” says the monster.  “All in good time, my multi-functional friend”

And when the house is quiet and the gift-givers sleeping, the monster creeps in and selects a few forgotten gifts for his great pouch.  These gifts he wraps with bright paper and decorates with bits of things until they look just as wonderful as any other brand new gift on a holiday.  Then he places each gift in a home that seems to be whispering for them.  And wouldn’t you know it?  Come each holiday day - the gift is opened, gasped about, thanked over, and then loved.  Loved for a very long time.

Snuggle Monster

It’s cold. The trees are cold, the ground is cold, the bugs are cold, the sky looks cold (although it is very far away so one can’t be completely sure), swing sets are cold, windows are cold...  Where can all the warm be?!  Thankfully there is one monster who has this situation handled.  Snuggle Monster knows you’re cold.  He knows you’re dreading touching that freezing floor in the morning with your defenseless feet.  And he knows just how to fix it: a snuggle.

Snuggle Monster makes sure that every snuggle is a warm one.  He prowls through living rooms, bedrooms, by window seats and your big comfy chair, and when he sees a snuggle he pounces!  Whether it’s the cat cozying up on your lap, a casual arm around your shoulder, or a serious snuggle with a loved one, he’s there to dive right into that snuggle and send out the heat waves.  Snuggle Monster hunkers down and turns your snuggling love into waves of toasty.  He loves nothing more than a good movie, an occasional piece of stray popcorn, and some serious snuggling.   So while your attic might hit you with the chills when you’re retrieving the decorations this season, Snuggle Monster will always be ready to warm you back up.

Family Monster

There is one monster you can never escape.  A monster that is never very far no matter how many times you run off to “find yourself”.  That would be Family Monster.

Family Monster always wears the same old sweater for every family get together, complimented perfectly by his reading glasses attached to the lanyard around his neck.  He’s got great big arms, and he’s always happy to see you.  He’ll put extra helpings on your plate when you don’t want them and loudly announce your embarrassing stories to complete strangers or anyone at all you might wish to impress.  He’ll also hug away your doubts and listen closely to that new hobby you have that no one else seems to care about.

And back in the long ago, when you did that thing: the one you thought no one would ever forgive you for…Family Monster gave you that look that he gives.  And maybe you quaked in your boots for a minute, but then he took you in a great big-armed hug, his eyes twinkling because he made the very same mistake when he was just about your age, and it’s not his job to teach you about mistakes – he’s just happy to pick you up after them.

Homemade Gift Monster

What bright, glittery wrapping paper!  What a lovely – if a little lopsided – bow!  What an amazing gift tag!  ...What.....What is it?

The Homemade Gift Monster can sometimes leave us wondering...  Is this soap or a candle?  Is it a hat or a tea pot cozy?  Is it a book of poems or pressed flowers?  Oh wait!  Both!

Although you may have moments of trepidation while opening her gifts, the Homemade Gift Monster is nothing but joyful as she makes them.  You can hear her in her workshop, giggling and joking with herself while she molds wax or paints a handkerchief. 

Your gift from her may not come in another color or with a gift receipt, but then it doesn’t come with any less love, either.  The thing about her gifts is you know she loves you enough to make something for you with her own furry hands.  And come on, do you really need another basket of lotion or necktie organizer?

Light in the Window Monster

There is a monster out there in the dark that waits for a light to turn on.

This monster looks around a neighborhood at night, seeing families, friends, and otherwise happy humans playing and talking.  He walks through yards and play sets until he finds a house where there seems to be a human missing.  The humans there may be happy and talking and playing, but something in their eyes says they wish a certain human were there to share the talking and playing with them.  The monster watches these houses, and he waits for nighttime.  He waits to see them turn off all the lights but one.  One in the window -- ready to guide their human home.

When he sees this light he smiles, just a small smile. No one is quite sure why.  Some say you can see the glisten of a tear on the monster’s face, but always, there is his smile.  Just a small monster, sitting on a play set, smiling in the soft light of a single lamp.